Getting my Provincial Services Card
On Monday I went downtown to get my Provincial Services Card. But I didn't bring the right ID and I had an anxiety attack. I put off getting my services card. This is a new program. The old cards were officially discontinued in the early spring. But I believe the program started over a year ago. I've put this off for over a year. This might explain why I had so much invested in succeeding.
Why did I put it off? Oh, I'm sure there are lots of reasons. It's a complicated process. I didn't bring the right material on Monday and that meant coming back on a different day. I was very worried about getting it right. That's a mental illness problem, but it is still a reason. I wanted to use it as an opportunity to renew my learners license, because I'm told I need to learn how to drive. On reflection, all of it comes down to this: There were external expectations that I didn't feel like I could fulfil. This wasn't my goal. It was my dad's goal to get me a driver's license. It was the Service centre's goal to get the right documents. I was trying to fulfil the needs of others rather then my own.
Why do I need to get my Services Card? To make my own life easier. It's a useful piece of ID and it combines with my health card which I need sometimes. I still don't want to do it, but I've located my goals internally now. I've also been careful not to locate my motivation in: if I don't do this I will get in trouble with the government and then I will be kicked out of my rental apartment and then I will be homeless. That's not a good motivation. That's just fear, and fear doesn't motivate me. When I'm scared I freeze. Sometimes I go to sleep. In any case unless it is a looming deadline like an exam, I don't generally act.
I wonder if fear motivates others. A question to my readers, are any of you motivated by fear to get things done?
Why did I put it off? Oh, I'm sure there are lots of reasons. It's a complicated process. I didn't bring the right material on Monday and that meant coming back on a different day. I was very worried about getting it right. That's a mental illness problem, but it is still a reason. I wanted to use it as an opportunity to renew my learners license, because I'm told I need to learn how to drive. On reflection, all of it comes down to this: There were external expectations that I didn't feel like I could fulfil. This wasn't my goal. It was my dad's goal to get me a driver's license. It was the Service centre's goal to get the right documents. I was trying to fulfil the needs of others rather then my own.
Why do I need to get my Services Card? To make my own life easier. It's a useful piece of ID and it combines with my health card which I need sometimes. I still don't want to do it, but I've located my goals internally now. I've also been careful not to locate my motivation in: if I don't do this I will get in trouble with the government and then I will be kicked out of my rental apartment and then I will be homeless. That's not a good motivation. That's just fear, and fear doesn't motivate me. When I'm scared I freeze. Sometimes I go to sleep. In any case unless it is a looming deadline like an exam, I don't generally act.
I wonder if fear motivates others. A question to my readers, are any of you motivated by fear to get things done?
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